Thursday, March 6, 2014


I had an outing Tuesday, to the Indian Wells Tennis Garden for the big-deal tournament that's held there each early March.

It was a gorgeous day. I'd packed a little picnic. And within a few minutes of arriving, I had a shocking realization--I am prejudiced! I already knew that, but I mean against my own people! White folks. I'm like a gay homophobe: a secretly self-loathing Caucasian!

One of the reasons I hadn't known this is that I had been lulled into a false sense of security through years of attending Mass with exclusively Hispanics and Filipinos (there are only two white Catholics in all of L.A., me and Bill MacIver). But to be surrounded, for once, by Anglos...whoa.

I mean there is nothing INHERENTLY wrong with a 30-year-old couple  identically dressed in fake beekeeper hats,  or shaggy hairdos on women with a visor plunked in the middle so the hair falls over and around it like a Cousin Itt, or head-to-toe golf attire, or plastic surgery. (I of course was dressed in head-to-toe black including a pair of utterly inappropriate pointy ankle boots (the temperature was 84) and looked like a refugee from East Poland).

No, there really isn't anything wrong with golf attire and plastic surgery, and as I was lying on the ground waiting for the WTA matches to begin, I started thinking: These really ARE your people. Who ELSE would be your people?

On the instant, I accepted what I could not change. I conceded to my innermost self what my perpetually tormented, faux-victim soul has all my life resisted.

You're white and you're middle class.

Get over it.


  1. Yes yes....I haven't even had time to read it all yet....but I do wish heather that you wudnt ask me to stand on my head in order to view the beautiful,tennis player and the rest properly ! And you are ruining my Lenten fast from reading emails and blogs like yours , as I am too weak willed not to look !

  2. thanks for making me laugh....I would love to play a tennis match against you!

  3. Thank you for getting this is FUNNY! Or is supposed to be...Gazing out at the swimming pool, working my tail off, snow-covered Mt. Jacinto in the lucky can a person get? Happy First Sunday of Lent, dear folks...

  4. I got that it was funny, I was laughing a lot! And I know that effect you mean with the shaggy hair and the sun visor. Or the feeling of looking at a 20-yr-old athlete and thinking, I remember what it was like to...well, not exactly run. Or play tennis or participate in any sport whatsoever. But I do remember what it was like to dance frenetically to early B52s ("Rock Lobster") while simultaneously singing the high parts, including whale sounds, without dropping my plastic cup of stale beer.

    When I was young, I didn't really get that youth was a temporary phase I was moving through, I thought it was a permanent fixture of my personality.

  5. Thank you for getting this is FUNNY! Or is supposed to be...

    I think I got that. But satire is tricky stuff, partly because it can be hard to discern the target of the ridicule.

  6. Oh my Heather, my in laws in across the street from the Indian Wells Tennis Garden. I wouldn't be surprised if they were there too! I live in NJ and I am always surprised by how white it is out there when I visit. I haven't been there for two years, but I do love the mountains and the palm trees. God Bless you!

  7. I think I spot my mother in law in photo:)


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