Thursday, December 19, 2013


Oh people, I have had many field trips for myself lately. The Huntington, the Getty, the Pasadena Museum of California Art, an afternoon on Abbot Kinney, ramen on Sawtelle, a "stray" Saturday Vigil Mass at the unexpectedly beautiful St. Timothy's. A couple of Fridays ago, I gave a talk for Guadalupe Pregnancy Services in the east San Gabriel Valley city of Rosemead, slept at the Doubletree, and the next morning took myself to the gorgeous L.A. Arboretum.

We were enjoying our annual "five days of winter," as my gardener friend Judy puts it. It really was "freezing cold," as in the very very few (Japanese) people wandering about the 125 acre-grounds besides me were swaddled in down parkas and scarves. It was also raining.  I have a ridiculous over-sensitivity to cold (and no umbrella), and thus hesitated to embark on a lengthy stroll. But beforehand I blasted the heat in my car for a few minutes, held my breath, and took the plunge.

What followed was an hour and half that were sacred! Truly, I almost had the whole place to myself. The rain was mostly a softish drizzle, everything glistened, and in the rose garden, the sun came out briefly and I had a "moment of clarity" where I realized I have not turned my WHOLE self over to God.  Sometimes I wish He would just take me and kill me already! I mean kill my wayward will, my fear, my resistance, my doubt, my defiance. But mostly my fear.

Wanderer, your footsteps are
the road, and nothing more;
wanderer, there is no road,
the road is made by walking.

By walking one makes the road,
and upon glancing back
one sees the path
that must never be trod again.

--ANTONIO MACHADO (1875-1939)


  1. The Arboretum is great! My old stomping grounds and my mom still lives a few blocks from there. My kids always loved the "Fantasy Island" Queen Anne Cottage and the peacocks. Such a beautiful, tranquil place to take a stroll. Great pics! :)

  2. Recognizing that pictures never capture the essence of the world I am stunned, blown away, by these. How vibrant the colors, how shapely the designs. Oh so good.

  3. Lovely, Heather. That's all... just lovely! Thank you :-)

  4. "I mean kill my wayward will, my fear, my resistance, my doubt, my defiance. But mostly my fear."

    Every day I wish this. Every. Single. Day. Indeed, it is as if I cling to the fear with the subconscious thought that it is all I have left of me. I pray for you, dear lady.


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